Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
