So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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