I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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