my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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