What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
