P.S. I can't hear my feet
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
