He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Houston, we have a squirter
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
