I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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