I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
