Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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