i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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