bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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