the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
You can't motorboat a personality
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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