its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
