It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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