I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
