he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
