you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
so much tequila, so little girl.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
