Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
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