I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Can you repeat that, but with context?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
