Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
