Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
