Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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