I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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