someone get that fucking seahorse.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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