i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
