I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
It's Friday. Sex?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
