You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
