I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
