I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
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she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
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I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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