Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Randomize
