she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
