I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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