the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
