i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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