playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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