how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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