I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
