my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
