i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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