The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
