Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
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