what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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