fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
