im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
