Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
