I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
