waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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