i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
