I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Randomize
