Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
