You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
