Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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