she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
This is my gift to your gina
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Randomize
