I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
