Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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