She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
