She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
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My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
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You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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