I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
