the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
