trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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