I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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