Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
