Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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