I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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