Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
