I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
