I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Randomize
