I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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