You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
be right there i have to get my cape
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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