we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
