I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
