I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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