i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
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