you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize
